Joys of Reminders

When I was younger, I carved an “Unequal” symbol into my middle finger – the math symbol.  Because I felt less than.  Because I felt lowly in my image and self-esteem as an eighth-grader searching for her identity in a new world of hormones, loss, and public school.  Because I wanted to fit in.  Because I wanted friends, a life, acceptance.

I thought the mark would fade after some time.  I thought it would just go away with my changing body one day.  But it’s stayed.  It’s a part of me.  I have to live with it; it’s stuck on me every day until the day I die.  My first tattoo, carved with a retractable pencil at the lunch table of a middle school.  It hasn’t faded a day since I’ve done it.

But now I look at it, now I see its truth: I’m not equal, but I sure am not lowly or mediocre or less than.  I don’t think I’m better than or superior to anything either.  But I am not equal.  I was never born for ordinary.  I was never made to fit in.  I have always been different.  I’ve always walked a higher path.  I am totally unequal to my peers in ways they will absolutely NEVER understand or could possibly equate themselves to.  And I cherish this.

Messages from the grave and beyond, I thank you.  For all the lessons and lifetime of practices, how could I ever be prepared for something so subtle as this reminder from ten years past? …

Life has a funny way of coming full-circle…

Doesn’t it?

 

—TG

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